Friday, January 13, 2012

not that girl

i've had a lot of practice at letting go, and i'm good at it. i won't be that girl that is depressed because the guy she likes doesn't like her back. i won't be the creepy, annoying girl desperately going after something she can never have. i won't make a fool of myself because i've tricked myself into thinking the impossible is possible. that is so pathetic and embarrassing. why on earth would i continue to act on romantic feelings that will never be returned? i refuse to give to a guy what he will never give me in return. i'm not going to wait around to see if he grows attracted to me when i know it won't happen. let it go as soon as it comes. things are easier that way.

so what if a guy actually IS attracted to me? well that's easy. the situation will be one of the following so it won't amount to anything: 1. guy is either creepy, socially awkward, or off limits. 2. guy isn't attracted enough to show it. because other than coming right out and telling me, there's no way he can ever convince me that he's interested. part of that letting go thing is doing a convincing job at telling myself that the things he says and does are out of friendship and nothing more. i don't play the games. i don't read the "signs." i'm so tired of reading so much into meaningless words and gestures. that's how you get wound up about nothing. i'm good at not letting people in. it's not worth all the work for any guy. they realize it sooner or later.

and while it may require some bitterness,  i get over the stupid attraction phase with friendships intact. anger is the alternative to sadness. how pathetic is the "woe is me" attitude? i will never be so wrapped up in a guy that i feel self pity that he isn't attracted to me. no guy deserves to make me feel that way. anger preserves dignity. and then anger fades.

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