Wednesday, January 25, 2012

wait wait what happened?

sometimes it is good to remind ourselves of what we really want because man can our brains be super tricky. i don't think i have ever sat down to write about this before but now is as good a time as any.

the guy i want will be so very flawed. he is just a normal guy. but he will be focused on the right things. he will be desperately searching for closeness with his savior. he won't save me. he can't. but he will lead me as best he can. he will support me and respect that i don't want to have sex before i get married. in fact, he will be attracted to me because of it. his will fall in love with me even more God strengthens my spirit and shapes me into the woman he intended me to be. this man will rejoice with me as i revel in the life God has in store for me.

i would like to think that he will be passionate about words and melodies. but if he doesn't happen to be particularly inspired by those things, my passion for them will make him love me that much more. he won't laugh at me and say: that's not poetry. he will help me look for the poetry when even i don't see it. and not because he even cares that much about it, but because he knows it's important to me. he doesn't have to have the same tastes as me, but he will see the value in my tastes because he values me and my opinion, and what inspires me.

he won't let me pity myself. he will push me to be better. he will hold me accountable. but his honesty will be kind and encouraging. this man won't make me explain myself at every turn. my quirky, weird behavior and though processes will not annoy him (somehow). he will see me for me and not want to change me. he'll just... i don't me for who i am? that sounds so cliche. but i don't know how else to describe it. i'm so tired of trying to fit myself into someone else's life. i'm tired of trying to be someone that someone else would want. i just want to be me. i just want someone to see value in me just because i am me. even if i don't see value in me just because i am me.

like i said. i don't need someone to save me. God already did that, and he waits for me to let him continue to do so. but i am not opposed to the idea of such a guy coming along soon.

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